Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Inspiration

As time passes, I find it more and more challenging to be able to take a good photoshoot of myself. It used to be all I was good out, and I'm afraid I seem to be losing that skill. It took me quite awhile to take this photoshoot. I wanted to be able to show off my dress that I got for graduation, since you have to wear a cap and gown during graduation and nobody really gets to see how awesome you might look.

Erm, I had a point. Let's get back to that.

I don't follow too many people's blogs, but I often get really inspired by the ones that I do. Such passion shines through both their writing and photography, and I hope I can conjure up what I have of that within me, too. Sunday, I was in bed about to take a nap, decided to catch up on blogs, and got inspired. So I got out of bed, made myself pretty, and fought with the heat and an involuntary camera to try and get a few decent pictures.

Editing these took me awhile, as well. Like I said, I might be losing it.

Anyway, here's what I've got. I had to edit these on a different computer than usual, however, because my mother is on vacation and I could not use hers. Hope you still enjoy.










Graduation

So, last week I graduated high school. It was a big moment, I guess. I thought I would start writing this blog and a lot would come out, but it just isn't. I have no piece of worthy advice to any underclassmen, I have no phrase to sum up the experience, I have no words that count as the most useful thing that I learned in high school. I'm supposed to feel like I have so much right now, but I'm feeling pretty empty handed. I'm feeling the same.

So I guess, perhaps your teachers mislead you. In high school, the goal is to graduate. Like that's a big deal, like afterwards you'll have the world at your feet. That's crap. It's not about accomplishment; it's about who you become along the way. I wish I had known that.

Anyway, here's some pictures.



Sunday, May 29, 2011

Friends Become Flowers

There aren't enough syllables, or letters, but guess.
You may or may not have a second chance.
So go on, don't be shy, instead be inspired
and if you fail, we've all been there
before. And after.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm in the archives, I'm on a list,
I'm in a field. I coexist.
I had so much, so very much;
I lost it all at the very first touch.
I'm in a tomb, I'm on the wall,
I'm waiting still for the curtain call.
I'm in the chair, yet it's cold,
I'm the one turned into cash and sold.
I am the flower that withers away,
I die slowly in the bouquet.
I walked these halls, I might have laughed,
I might have caused that one slight draft.
I still remember--I always will,
I even remember when my life went downhill.
I remember the words my friends once said;
I know how they felt when they learned I was dead.
I saw when they cried the day that I died,
I caught every tear--at least, I tried.
I heard that rain fill the day,
I never knew it would be that way.
I am the one that they say they miss--
I swear, my mind can't get over this.
I'm still here sometimes, walking by,
I'll never leave--I think you know why.
I remain the one that left too soon
on that early September afternoon.
I never realized how much more
I could have had on this earthly shore,
and I hope you remember, and forgive,
because I wish I could remember how to live.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Jenna // Senior 2011

These are of my best friend, Jenna. She wanted me to take her Senior pictures...so we squeezed in a time a few weeks ago. Well, we had like 20 minutes tops before we had to get back to our 5th hour class, so they were pretty rushed. I finally got done editing them a few days ago because our Baccalaureate was cancelled due to raging tornado warnings across Missouri. [speaking of which, be sure to pray for Joplin.] Anyway, so I really liked them. And I wanted to post these before I post my blog about actually graduating, which happened yesterday, May 26th, 2011. That was a blast, but I'll save all that for my next post. Anyway, enjoy!










Thursday, May 26, 2011

Simply Adorable

So, you may or may not have heard, but both my rabbits Sky and Button had babies a few weeks ago. Sky had three, Button had six. So we have a whopping total of 9 baby bunnies at my house right now. And they are simply adorable. I love watching them grow, becoming attached, and I mean, they just make me happy. So if you need a little bit of happiness put into your day, I hope that this might help.

This is Karlee holding one of Button's babies.

This is Deacon holding his favorite, the only brown one of Button's. He named him Marco.
This was taken about a week after they were born.



This is one of Sky's, the only one colored this way. He is a solid grey/brown color on top with a very white belly and feet.
Back to Deacon and Marco. They're pals.
Can you count all nine?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My 8th Grade Self & Senior Will

In 8th grade, we filled out papers that we were to get back upon our graduation. Today, I recieved mine, and it amused me greatly, so I thought I would share some of it.

Written May 17, 2007
What do you do for fun?
- Um. I get online, invite Bee or Jenna over, write a poem or something, maybe write a blog or journal entry, eat, read, or sleep. Take pictures of myself.

What is the most important thing you've learned this year?
- If you stick by your friends, they'll stick by you. Don't change for anyone except yourself. Love Jesus no matter what happens.

Describe yourself/your life 10 years from now.
- 10 years from now I do not have children. Trust me, I don't. I might be married, but I'm not too sure about that one. I'll probably just be getting out of college (sp?) and be working on a photography career. I have no idea how to cook. I can totally see myself living in a cozy apartment. Not in the city. Maybe have a cat. A goldfish. Not a dog yet, unless I'm married. Have to have a dog before kids to see if I can support life. I'm hoping I'll have a laptop by then, and tons of books. Actually on bookselfs. I spelled that wrong. Most likely, I will have some new friends. I'll still have stuffed animals. Yes I drive! How else will I get to Walmart--and McDonalds? I'll be a computer nerd. I'm still going to keep a journal. I'm never going to like coffee, so I can't hang out at coffee shops. *sad face* I'll have short hair.

I'm amazed by how much of that still applies!

Now, this is my Senior Will that the Publication Staff (which I am on, by the way) put in the paper. Actually, there was a slight mistake in the paper, but this is the real thing:



I, Emily Gallaher, the great literary genius of Central High School, leave:

To Mrs. Fletcher’s Graphic Arts classes, particularly 6th hour: I leave to you The Box. May it serve you well in your tales of random facts and confessions, and I hope that it brings some unity among all the members of the staff.

To the clarinet section: I hope that you march on and play to your highest ability and show the rest of the band the talent that I know all of you possess. You all make me proud every day, and it was a blessing to be your section leader this year.

To Arledda Cain: I leave behind my tendency to catch things on fire, burst into random song, and have too much fun watching Finding Nemo in Spanish I.

To Jeremiah Childers: the long, nerdy conversations about Harry Potter and Star Wars, hugs in exchange of “good mornings,” and all those funny remarks during band.

To Michaela Hulsey: all of the latest gossip, my quirky nature, and hope for a promising future.

To Sierrah Russell: I pass on the answer to life, the universe, and everything, along with my love of Relient K, Twitter, and awkward poetry.
To Deacon Seals: I leave a multitude of evil glares, Garfield look-alikes, redhead wonders, tea slaves, my awesome hipster lingo, Italian Cheese Bread, the secret passageway into Narnia, and a plethora of unforgettable memories.

To Mikayla Stevens: I leave good times and memories, smiles and laughter, and the strive to make someone else’s day a little bit brighter.

To Stephanie Wade: I wish to you all of the love, friendship, and kindness that one could ever need.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

One-Sided World

You're gone; he's gone; and I can't find
a meaning or joy in the explanation--why
do we fight and hide and embarrass ourselves
for so little while so much is the cost?
We're impatient; we can taste impurities
in the water before it quenches our thirst.
Does it, does it solve, does it cure?
Do we ever let it get that far?
Now, this is where it ends. It stops.
This fiasco has gone too far, because
it is our tendency to never, never
be in the right, start off the way we should.
But you're a lady, my dear, my darling.
A masterpiece in awe and every way.
Though they leave, at first they fight,
and there's the golden ticket--determination.
And I--I could never be the one for souls,
or the snow that rides on top the mountain.
The view is great up there, I'm sure,
and the snow itself is spectacular,
but I myself sit in the valley--
a rock, a tree, a whatever.
But oh, do I myself find the glory
of God and Earth and the Galaxies
that you, you might not ever know.
You might conquer, you might win,
but lady, I see the simplicity there and within
the realm and world and streets and signs
that the mountainside leaves behind.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Uncertainties

There was never the chance for me to say,
for me to say that you were the way
I managed to survive this passing year
and overcome my paralyzing fear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You don't get to be jealous,
or mad,
or in any way upset at what is going on,
because you sir,
you have always had a hand in everything,
and it was me who had to find
my footing after you so broadly
chose someone else over me,
intentionally,
without negotiability.
And it is I who has to endure all
of the countless rantings about these
girls that I like and love and are friends with
but are not, and can never,
be close to.
And you think that I do not know jealousy?
We've acquainted--several times.
We've seen each other through and through.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm worried about the way things form,
and about who will leave and lead and lose
and how the lost will continue to live,
or lack the love that is kindled now
for the lonely soul that already left.
Some say this soul--he had it figured out,
he did what he could--fight or flight--
and took the initiative. Hoped for the best,
went out like a bird from the nest,
or a candle with a dimming flame.
Perhaps that bird had broken wings,
but I know, we know, that it still could sing.
And he sang, he sang, though I never once
was able to hear the sound, but someday
someday I know he'll sing again,
and my hands will be there, gently now,
mending wings and hearts and broken bones
and love that faded, spilled onto the floor,
and all will be lovely, and beautiful.
We will have each other--all--
we will know how indeed we managed to live.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Carve Our Names

-- An Introduction
[You are a struggler, and frequently
succumb to despair, perfectly
unbalanced and lacking something more
to defend and own and to adore.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You, I know, but are not close
to the falsified devotion of your name.
But us? We played in the playground and
shared secrets, climbed houses--we,
the immortal children of the age,
are in likeness to eternity.
And we, we know not of love,
but dearness and adoration of
a precious unit and that which is real
of what perception can and cannot be.
They call us unfortunate and chaotic,
but I must say, we act logically
and deliberately, though infested with
nervousness. And perhaps jealousy,
though I had never seen that before yesterday.
Now the others, their minds have been
tortured from the edges of youth.
And death! And love! Personally,
I wish I gave them not a thought.
But even without, we are loving men--
famous for being what we should not--
but we know better. We may smile,
and know distinctly how perfect we are.

Monday, May 16, 2011

While I'm Still Seventeen

Mommy, I'm still a little girl. I swear I am.
Those numbers are bigger, and I am bigger, and the world seems so much bigger,
but Mommy, I promise I won't change.

I promise that I'm still me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

People keep telling me that I'm interesting and talented and that I have so much potential and that they like talking to me and that I'm someone that people look up to and aspire to be. Me, really? Me. I'm not being humble, I'm not downplaying anything when I say that I have absolutely no idea what anyone is talking about.

I know that everyone knows that I have flaws, and so stating so is not necessary. Somehow, though, people are beginning to be able to see redeeming qualities shine through these, even though I myself do not. And I am afraid that they might begin to get a false mental picture of me. See me as someone greater than I actually am.

And perhaps I might start to see myself in a way that is not a part of me.

I don't want to do that. I want to be real.

For example, you all probably know that I take pictures. For recreational purposes. I do not do this for a business or to win contests, but just because I enjoy it and love it. I have never entered any photography contests even though I have been recommended to do so several times. I wanted to enter earlier this year but the deadline came up sooner than I realized and was unable to, but that was fine with me. Because it's not a competition against others for me. It's a progression, a discovery, and it's me. For me, by me.

It's defining and focusing on beauty I see that might go unnoticed by others.

And my writing? Far from perfect, far from something that someone might want to publish or read, but I hope it grows and develops and continues to be a dominant part of my life. It can stay on this blog forever and I would be fine with that.

I just hope that they stay in my life. I hope that I always am able to do the things I want to do and not worry about profit. Not sell my beliefs or become in love with money. I want simply to express my life and thoughts and be satisfied with the things I can accomplish.

I'm growing up. I'll be eighteen in two days.
And as this happens, I just want to be sure that all of this is carved into my memory.

We make mistakes and learn through time,
we all grow old, we live, we die. We live.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

I Will Remain

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have a heart. And I have a mind, despite my frequent lack of voice. I have been so distracted the past years of my life that I don't even know how to pay attention to things that really matter, or how to accept and face the future. I don't know how to get through things or overcome struggle without simply shrugging it off. I can never find my words.

When we're honest, it's always constructed and expected, never true. But true honesty can move mountains in a heart. There's just a disconnection. We don't know how to find it. So we dabble in truth; we set a date. But we never, never go too far.

Nobody wants to reveal themselves too much, after all, for fear of being judged. Heavens, no. We must avoid that.

I sang this song when I thought you were leaving me four years ago. Now everyone is leaving me. Actually leaving this time. But this song? It's the same. And it will be the same after they are gone.
I didn't know. I didn't know.

I don't feel like I'm alive.

What do I want? For someone to see me as I see you. I see you.
See you.
See me.
Me.
Me.

Only seventh in the alphabet.

I wish that was enough for you.
Do all the things you wanted. Don't think, just do.
You could be happy.

My life is ending. I don't know where I'll be. You've got this figured out, and you, and you. And you? Well, you did too.

Nobody could have stopped you.
I hope that somehow, you found your peace.

If I could forsake anything, if I could give up any blessing or ounce of grace and bestow it upon you, it would be done. You don't have my blame, you don't stand in shadow. It's okay. It's okay.

And me? I believe.

You know where you're headed. That's great.
I wish I could ride along. Be kept in your pocket.

But I'm coming to terms with the fact that I know that you will have greater things in your life than me.
Than me.

I should have stopped you

I wish I didn't know about all the things you love.
I wish that you can find happiness without giving up anything.

She won't be there.
Neither will I.
But the latter is okay with you.

Holidays are for the ones who can't stand and fight for life.

And now, it rains.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Prom 2011!

Saturday was my Senior Prom, and I thought you all would enjoy to see some pictures. =)



Jenna and I

Jeremiah and myself


Jenna and Deacon.
My favorite picture of the day.
Deacon and I

Jenna and Jeremiah praying over the almost-dead fish.

Jeremiah, myself, Jenna, Deacon

Korey as the Joker, Plymouth as Prom King.
Priceless.
I love my friends so much. =)

Monday, May 9, 2011

To Manage

When there weren't skies, we pretended
and hung them there by ourselves.
They weren't heavy, not impossible,
and in our hands, they lifted us
like a balloon fighting for ascension.

- May 6th

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Fearsome Foils

I’m not coming back—not for good—
although deep inside, I know I should.
But my love has left—like I knew she would.

One still waits: she who gave
a year and heart in hopes to save
me from the clutches of Death and the grave.

What more can be said about this one?
I do appreciate all that she’s done—
but my plan without her had already begun.

My love—she has me wrapped around
her finger—ties me to the ground—
and to this beauty, I am bound.

But my love had bigger plans than me—
to give her life and serve the free—
and I—I must let her be.

For everything stands when people demand
that they forsake their lives—leave their land—
but the young—they die. Do you understand?

I have abandoned all I used to believe
so I shall go—yes, I will leave
because I don’t know how to grieve
for a love whose love I do not receive.