Thursday, May 12, 2011

I Will Remain

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have a heart. And I have a mind, despite my frequent lack of voice. I have been so distracted the past years of my life that I don't even know how to pay attention to things that really matter, or how to accept and face the future. I don't know how to get through things or overcome struggle without simply shrugging it off. I can never find my words.

When we're honest, it's always constructed and expected, never true. But true honesty can move mountains in a heart. There's just a disconnection. We don't know how to find it. So we dabble in truth; we set a date. But we never, never go too far.

Nobody wants to reveal themselves too much, after all, for fear of being judged. Heavens, no. We must avoid that.

I sang this song when I thought you were leaving me four years ago. Now everyone is leaving me. Actually leaving this time. But this song? It's the same. And it will be the same after they are gone.
I didn't know. I didn't know.

I don't feel like I'm alive.

What do I want? For someone to see me as I see you. I see you.
See you.
See me.
Me.
Me.

Only seventh in the alphabet.

I wish that was enough for you.
Do all the things you wanted. Don't think, just do.
You could be happy.

My life is ending. I don't know where I'll be. You've got this figured out, and you, and you. And you? Well, you did too.

Nobody could have stopped you.
I hope that somehow, you found your peace.

If I could forsake anything, if I could give up any blessing or ounce of grace and bestow it upon you, it would be done. You don't have my blame, you don't stand in shadow. It's okay. It's okay.

And me? I believe.

You know where you're headed. That's great.
I wish I could ride along. Be kept in your pocket.

But I'm coming to terms with the fact that I know that you will have greater things in your life than me.
Than me.

I should have stopped you

I wish I didn't know about all the things you love.
I wish that you can find happiness without giving up anything.

She won't be there.
Neither will I.
But the latter is okay with you.

Holidays are for the ones who can't stand and fight for life.

And now, it rains.

1 comment:

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