Monday, November 28, 2011


I have just purchased for myself a new HP laptop online.
It's one of those at last moments.

Next stop, I'm looking into buying Photoshop.
I've recently learned that I can get it for a heck of a lot cheaper since I'm a college student, I just have to send in a little information.


Just thought y'all should know, I'm moving up in the world.


Side by Side

I have failed.

And I have loved.

And I have sat, I've stood, I've seen
everything in shapes and sizes be
too much. Too little. Just right? Maybe.
But more so inadequacies.

Did I love? Did you? No.
Of course, I know. Of course. I know.

But haven't you ever wondered
if you made the wrong choice?
I guess, it's useless. I guess once
the words have left
and the sand has settled

and you start walking one way
and you untie all knots of promises
and you decide to end a friendship
and you decide you're better off

and I write my soul in ink
and I fight off nightmares of replacement
and I try living as though I could
and I try loving as though I could

then it's better to not retrace your steps.
It's better to run with whatever you choose.
It's better for me to learn to recover.
It's better for me to stand firm.

And no, nothing about this has changed.
I was just clarifying.


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Death's Dreaded Room--and Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

(My mom is on the phone with my aunt right now, talking about my Christmas present. I don't think she knows I can hear her.)

We've had some recent tragedies recently, and I know Thanksgiving can be a hard time for everyone, so I hope everything is okay today and that everyone is able to stuff themselves with some turkey! Or, what I'm mainly interested in, mashed potatoes. Yum.

It should be a pretty fantastic day, I hope. 

My main concern is that it's kind of tradition for me to spend Thanksgiving afternoon/night reading and finishing a really good book, but I finished reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban last night, and I'm not planning on reading the fourth one yet, so I'll have to break my tradition. There will be reading, of course, I'll just have to start a book instead of end one, and I'll have to choose wisely.

I started writing this poem while in the bathtub the night before last. I haven't been writing a whole lot of poetry lately, but it's funny whenever a rhyme hits you.

I took the test; I didn't pass.
I did not even have to ask.
But after waiting, with a blast,
I sped towards heaven long at last.
(I'm just kidding--we flew on passed.)

Heaven turned out a waiting room
where forms are filled and boredom blooms
before ushered to your destined doom.
You'd think they'd grow flowers in this gloom;
instead I dwell in death's dreaded room.

I thought of life--the one I had.
I wonder the day that I went bad.
I must have disgraced my mom and dad
for being sentenced to this mournful, sad
ending of life that I never had.

The test was long. I didn't know
that different grasses in Missouri grow
or that these things mattered, though
the clerk assured me with a glow
that to get in heaven, I must know.

"No!" I said. "It's if I believe!"
I knew that I had to receive
my Savior and that he would retrieve
my soul from here. He would relieve
me from this room if I only believed.



Thursday, November 17, 2011

Blue or Green?

I had a really weird and slightly freaky dream this morning.

It started with me having to clean playground equipment as some kind of punishment. No big deal.

Then suddenly, me and everyone I knew were in this unknown place. It kind of looked like an open field or parking lot. And something was holding us completely still. We weren't able to move at all until someone came to you and have you sign your name on a list.

Afterwards, they told you to go a certain direction.
There, you had to take a test. This would determine whether or not you got into heaven.

Before that, you had to fill out all of these information forms. Those took me awhile because I had forgotten a lot of my personal information, like my social security card, and I wasn't prepared and didn't have the right paperwork with me.

And so, I finally got to the part of taking the test and pretty much everyone else had already gone their separate ways.

I glanced through the papers that determined their destinations. Blue meant heaven. Green meant not.
Some of my closest friends, friends I would thought would have made it, had green.

The guy behind the counter finally found the test I was to take.
 He was pretty nice. Young. He told me he died in 1971.

I started the test. The first 39 questions were multiple choice. Question 40 was an essay question about the type of grass in Missouri. It included an example of an essay in it, written by my friend Jenna. I started freaking out because I didn't know there were different types of grass. I had no idea what any of it meant.

The nice guy behind the counter made a comment about having to know this to get into heaven.
I just remember saying, "You're wrong. It's by faith."

I don't know what happened after that.

My class is starting, gotta go.


Monday, November 14, 2011


Jon Schneck, my favorite (for lack of better term) member of my favorite band Relient K, just retweeted one of my tweets about him.

Today has been such an extraordinary day.
Thank you, Jesus.

Also, just this morning I was thinking about putting "be retweeted by Jon Schneck" on my bucket list, but decided not to because I thought it would be too far-fetched. So now, I'm definitely adding it and crossing it out. Haha! =)


Oh! Plus, I saw the official trailer for The Hunger Games today! Are you a fan? Have you seen the trailer yet?

Major Excitement!

I just got the call saying I was accepted to Hannibal-LaGrange University! Woohoo!

Actually, it was funny, because I was reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, then I fell asleep for an hour. Deacon and I were supposed to hang out this afternoon so upon my waking I searched for my phone, which decided to be mysteriously missing.

I went out to my car (which is up and running now, thanks to Dad) and found it, then saw I had a voicemail from HLGU saying to call them back. I called back and talked to the nice man who works for their Admission Office...I forget his name, but he's a really nice guy...and he told me I was accepted!

Right there, sleepy-eyed in my pajamas, in my car with wind and darkness surrounding me.
It was so incredible.

Also, as you might have noticed, I finished The Bell Jar last night. Overall, it was alright. I'd probably give it three stars out of five. For the past couple of weeks I've been debating on what to read afterwards, and for some reason the third Harry Potter book kept sticking out. I meant to re-read the entire series two summers ago, but only got through the second before school started back up.

And so, I'm going to slowly integrate them within my reading schedule. I just started last night and I'm already on Chapter Four, page 56.
Which is really good. For me. I'm a terribly slow reader.

Have a great week!


Sunday, November 13, 2011

Late Night Mini-Rant

I hate reading about the lives of other people, because it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough with my own.
*shouts in frustration*

Also, it's not even 1:00 AM yet and I'm sleepy, which is lame because I was looking forward to writing something, anything, rather good tonight.

But, my body says it's bedtime and my inspiration is shot.

I just had chicken wings and Taco Bell.
My Mountain Dew isn't doing the trick, surprisingly.

And I'm just plain tired.

Until we meet again.



Saturday, November 12, 2011

Sounds and Swears

Souls are known to dictate their share:
the saints; their sovereignty.
I say only a simple swear:
I love you solemnly.

I listen to that sound aware,
waiting for you or me
to be filled with inspiration's air
and breathe out the right key

that hits the chords and veins of the
organ that takes great care
to beat along triumphantly
with love too much to bear.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Car Trouble

I have an 8:00 class on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I try to leave my house somewhere between 7:30-7:40, just because I like to be early.

Today, my car would not start.
Just my luck.

This, of course, could not happen yesterday, when I did not have any classes.

Luckily, Deacon had his father give me a ride and I was only about ten minutes late.

Still though, Haven and I are not on speaking terms.
That is all.


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

a letter to the boy down the street.



I have come the the conclusion that I spend every second with you that I can, and it is never enough. There's never been anyone else in my life that has the ability to take my day and flip it around in an instant. I am physically incapable of being upset when I am around you. It's kind of awesome.

Somehow, you understand me.
I'm not sure how. I'm pretty strange.
But you do. You get me.
And when you don't, you're patient.
You listen.
I never realized before that I just needed someone to listen.

You listen like it matters.
I guess to you, it does.

We've lived on the same street for over ten years. How in the world did we not realize this sooner? We spent so long in trial and error, searching for other people who insisted on running away. Claiming love with people that were obviously meant for someone else. We learned, I guess. We lived. We loved. We learned.

God has a plan. He always has.
I'm glad it's finally come full circle.
I'm glad that I've got you.

The girl up the street,


P.S. 98% of the sappy over-dramatic posts I've written within the past year have been about you. 
As if you didn't already know.

Also, I hate No Shave November. =)

Monday, November 7, 2011

the thing about Goodbyes.

I can't get that song out of my head.

I'm just as good. I'm just as good.

Or some words. You know,
"Today, pretend
that you are as strong
as I know you are."


And it came to me then...

that Farewells are more than saying goodbye.
They're more than ending on a happy note.
Have you ever pondered why?

Have you ever had to ask yourself
what your last words to him were?

And that's why we say Goodbye,
that's why we make certain
that all is well when we walk away.

When we pass in the gym
and give a slight grin, or nod,
and continue walking separate ways.
To our own fates; our destinations.

That's why.

The gym was white then.
Now, it's blue.

Like they tried to paint my memories,
they tried to cover it up with change.

With blue. How convenient.
How perfect. Divine.
That the color they choose
should be so cold.

Like a chilled whisper;
a footstep; a look.
A memory.
A passing.
A failed farewell.

That's why you always, always
should say Goodbye.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Our Animal Farm

I had so much fun on Wednesday during my day off. The weather was so lovely, so we got the rabbits out to enjoy it since we knew it would be cold afterwards. They had a blast, and so did I.

And so did Kevin. =)



Romeo watching all the action. Especially Kevin.
They're not sure of each other quite yet. 

It seriously took me forever to get this picture.

IMG_2542  IMG_2541
IMG_2544 IMG_2547

I really liked this leaf.
IMG_2558 IMG_2560
Button and Spyder.
My loves.
Cocoa, whom I refer to as "Brownie."
He's not exactly photogenic.
Names of bunnies: Sky, Button, Marco, Spyder, Cocoa, and Galileo.
Sky and Galileo are our original two. 

The rest is a confusing family tree that we won't get into today.

Sky was trying her very best to escape.
I love his cute little legs in this picture. So fuzzy!
Galileo, the papa bunny.
Kevin in a tree!
He cracks me up.
This leaf was actually attached by a spider web.
It was pretty neat.

And that's all for now!
I hope you enjoyed the cuteness.


Thursday, November 3, 2011

A Little Preview

I have fifteen minutes before class starts.
I took a lot of pictures yesterday outside with my cat, Kevin, and our pet bunnies. I don't have time to post all of those now, so I'll just post a few.

I love the way trees look without leaves on them.
So poetic. So dramatic.


Kevin wanted some attention, too.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


My clock is late. I tell you this
because it does not ring on time.
It does not sound on top the hour,
instead it waits past four.
Though perhaps if you held time
within your palms and pores,
you, too, would manipulate
and scheme up satisfaction.

It serves me well regardless,
so I guess I'll let this slide.
Clocks, after all, are like the hourglass
but more gentle on the heart.
They show the truth, nothing less,
and do this in a way
that does not give you anxiety
or fear for what is lost.
It's manner is docile with a hint
of rebellion, as I have learned.
But all is well. I'm never late.
And I've learned to live with it.

The Price

That one there, what of the cost?
He said to me, These men are lost.
Who can save one with sin embossed

upon his heart? They'll die on the cross.

What of the father? What of the son?
What of the mother? brother? None
are worth any bother of an innocent one.

They swallow the sins they've already spun.

I'll pay whatever the cost may be.
Sir, this lot will not come free.
They are sentenced to hang upon the tree.

Then please--oh please--instead, take me.

I'll buy their sins with my shredded skin,
I'll carry the cross; I will spin
a web of hope and I will win

against the advocate of sin.