Saturday, July 28, 2012

Stretch

You worry too much.
Only over the ones I care about.
You can never care too much.
Finding myself. A way to...where?
Exactly where have I intended
to appear? Where are my expectations?
To get far away for just a spell?
To get far away and see what pulls me back?
To see if I get pulled back?

Why'd I get so far from you?
God, I've felt so far from you.
I seem to have forgotten you.
And tell me why--when you're still here.

But I have already buried you
so that I would not have to endure
the slow unraveling--the gradual stretch
inch by inch by inch until
one day, without quite noticing,
there is no longer a bridge.

--Emily

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Jenna // Portraits, Summer 2012

FIRSTLY. I have discovered Florence + The Machine and have been obsessed with this song, this song, and this song, among others.

SECONDLY. My friend Jenna is super cute.

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Jenna and I did this photoshoot a month ago, in about 20 right before the sun went down. For all the rush that we went through, a lot of the pictures turned out really well. Then again, it's hard not to take a good picture of Jenna. She's so photogenic. And we just get each other, I think. We've been friends forever.

She wanted to wear my senior prom dress first, which I enjoyed. It has been hanging in my closet bored out of its mind for over a year. Needed some fresh air.

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These pictures took me so long to complete because I kept getting sidetracked by other things and other photos, but I'm really happy with them. I was determined last night to get all of them done, so I stayed up until 4 AM. Or maybe I was going to stay up that late anyhow, and these were just there to occupy the time. You can never tell during summer nights.

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--Emily

Thumbprint

I'll carry this picture--for you, for me,
for each solemn member of the school symphony.
But what dwells behind that sole picture frame?
When was this taken?--Awaken, my shame.

I still see a shadow--your footsteps, grace
before scurrying along in a quickened pace
cutting the corner, and then down the hall,
out of sight before I really saw you at all.

I still see your shadow lagging behind
your dashed-off absence of life and mankind.
A thumbprint--proof that you once existed
somewhere before your death had persisted.

It's all I have--a worn picture of you,
or rather, what I have in remembrance of you,
and a streak of dark shadow across the hard floor
to show you once stood--but not anymore.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Lack of Color: a trip to the lake

I took these pictures on the Fourth of July with Deacon--I know, it feels like ages ago to me too. I finally have some time on my hands now that my classes are over. Right! My first two years of college are officially over. =) I know, I'm excited.

Anyway, I felt like experimenting with black and white on some of the photos from our trip to the lake. These are those, and I expect that I'll post the others one when I'm completely done with them. It was super hot that day, and poor Deacon was hoping to run while I took pictures but it just didn't work out that way because of the heat. We only made one lap around the lake before we were both ready to go.

Also, on a completely separate note, I just watched Pride and Prejudice (the 2005 version) for the first time and absolutely, positively loved it. I'm still a bit in awe.

Speaking of movies, there are a few pictures up on IMDB from the shooting of The Host. I'm super excited for it...though it's been quite some time since I've read the book. Anyway, it's set to come out March (I think) of 2013.

And now, to pictures!

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I know, Deacon is super cute. He's gotten a haircut since then, and is even more adorable.
He actually had a job interview. No word yet on anything.

--Emily

Friday, July 13, 2012

Stripped of Shame


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Be my favorite, be my friend
Be my borrowed savior, send
a wave of peace, a patient sun,
a ray of hope—as I have none.

We once were close as two could get:
touching houses—screw regret—
I double dare you won’t forget.

See that sun rise, smell your scent,
strip my shade—a darker tint—
shrouding you, my spirits, leant

as sacrifice for love, I knew
this was the admirable thing to do:
Leave myself and live in you.

A piece of me implanted in
your hand. My soul, left in your skin.
This I knew: the ways of men.

Barbaric dealings! You did not see
satisfaction in my soul, or me,
or in the future of “us” as “we.”

And I surrender! I’ve found that I
have nothing to save my soul, nor my
swerving path, my life gone by,

my violated house, my pride,
my confidence, you by my side,
my idolatry days, a love that died,

a way to find myself again,
decipher love from foe or friend,
but now I drown in deadly sin.

Up to my neck in guilt, in shame—
struggling to grasp a branch, or name,
then pushed back down. Overcame

by selflessness. Oh, what a ploy
of a sophisticated, golden boy
that captures girls to then enjoy

watching them fall to withered waste,
dig their hole to hide, disgraced
by love betrayed and then replaced.

Forget I said that. I have found
that after one is pushed around,
after I had once been drowned,

there is one name that surfaces.
Keeps you in his good graces,
holds you with his warm embraces,

wipes away your fears and terror,
takes your pain—becomes the bearer,
corrects the tides of wistful error,

sees the shame and shines on through
my fake salvation—brings me to
a world without the realm of you,
away from all this hullaballoo,

into a warmth I never knew.

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I wrote half of this during the service on Wednesday night (for the record, I don't promote writing poems during a church service, but it all really spoke to me). The lesson was about shame, which is something I think everyone has a little experience with.

It took me a long time to get through it all and come to an ending, but I'm pretty pleased with the result.

--Emily

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Excerpt From Chapter Three--First Meeting

I know that I've been working on this story for ages and don't have much to show for it, but I always like leaving excerpts every now and again to see what people think. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

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“You may ask us questions now, Riley. But like I said, we may be unable to answer some of them.”
She allowed silence to fall and they all hunched towards her a little, waiting for some kind of inquisition. She did not want to disappoint them, or the smiling dogs, but her mind was pretty blank.
Except for one, that is. The whole reason for this quest.
“Where is Katie?”
The room exhaled.
“She isn’t here,” Sierrah tentatively answered. “We did meet her. She came to us. But she’s no longer here.”
Riley expected there to be more to that explanation, but that seemed to be all they were going to offer.
“You—you people,” Riley said uncertainly, looking around at each of them, “you’re not alive, are you? I mean, you can’t be…”
Her eyes landed on Anthony, and he spoke next. Quickly. “We were once, Riley. But those lives have left us now. This is what we have become. We came here, and—”
Aaron made a loud coughing noise in the back of his throat and cut Anthony off.
Riley’s eyes were on Anthony as she slowly repeated, “You came here,” and then shifted her head towards Aaron, “and … you died?”
No words, just frowns followed by silence.
“Does that mean I will die, too?”
In unison, they all shouted, “No!”
Riley leaned back in her chair, slightly relieved. “Well, alright then. You guys really had me going there.” She let out a nervous laugh. “Okay, let’s go in a little lighter direction. I assume you all are from one family?”
Kori giggled.
“Actually, no,” said Josie. “None of us are related. We didn’t arrive here together.”
“Oh,” Riley nodded, trying not to say anything stupid that would further Josie’s disliking of her. “Who was the first one to come here?”
Evelyn answered her in a slow, calm voice, as though giving a highly rehearsed speech. “There was no first. We each have lives and deaths—those things, we can remember. But arriving here, we cannot. It’s as though we have always been here, and the lives we remember weren’t really lives at all. They just simply occurred.
If they were trying to make sense, they were failing, because Riley was thoroughly confused.
“I know it can be difficult to understand,” Sierrah jauntily chimed in, “but don’t worry, Riley. It’s a lot all at once, but you’ll be able to learn about us one step at a time.”
“What you need to focus on,” Aaron concluded, “is that you’ve stepped into a group of people who see each other as family, and see you as a guest. You won’t be harmed by any of us. And if you feel up to it, I encourage you to be able to trust us.”
Riley felt like this conversation was going nowhere. She had too many questions that couldn’t possibly be answered all at once, even if they were willing to give the answers. But she wanted to know everything right then—she wanted to understand. Mostly, she wanted to ask something that Bryan would have to answer, because his presence and the chance of hearing his voice again were the only redeeming qualities about this cold-stricken, decaying room.
To be honest, she wanted more than anything to be able to trust them, but everything about the situation screamed out with red flags and caution tape. They seemed nice, but she barely knew them, after all…anyone could put on an act for a little while. Only time would reveal their true selves, and she didn’t know how much of that she had. Was she destined to be here forever, like a prisoner? She couldn’t be a captive—Aaron had called her a guest, and had questioned her about the duration of her stay. And as long as Bryan was there, she didn’t even care about being able to leave, anyway.
“If I wanted to leave,” she began, “would you let me?”
A male voice to the right spoke and Riley shifted her eyes to follow, knowing instantly that it belonged to Bryan. Her heart leapt.
“Of course we would,” he said, the ends of his mouth curving up in a sweet, brilliant smile that gave her goose bumps. “It isn’t our intention to hold you here behind bars. You may go whenever you wish—whenever you are ready. You just have to be sure that you’re ready.”
But his words did not matter—Riley knew, just by listening to him speak to her, that being here was exactly where she wanted to be. There was nothing outside these walls that could entice or lure her away. Everything was here.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

A Cat Story: Lottie Needed Surgery

I meant to do this post over the weekend, but I ran out of time because I volunteered to edit a school-related paper by my youth pastor's wife. ANYWAY. The important matter at hand is that my cat, Lottie (my nickname for him--his full name is Lancelot), had surgery on ... Friday. I think it was Friday.


PhotobucketThe Story: My parents and sister went camping for a few days last week. I could not go because I'm taking summer classes, so I stayed home and guarded the house. Now Lottie usually stays away during most of the day because our other cat, Kevin, is very territorial and usually comes around during daylight. Lottie will come to the front porch around 11:00 PM or so to get his food...usually right about the time I get off work.

Well, a few days passed and Lottie never showed up. There's not much to do about this, because both of our cats are really strays that we've taken in. ("taken in" = give food and love to, because my dad is allergic to cats. So they stay outside.) He finally showed up on Wednesday and my friend noticed that he had a limp. He seemed pretty out of sorts and in pain, so I let him sleep on the couch that night (Shh! Don't let my Dad know!). When my parents came home the next day, I told him what was up and Mum took him to the vet.

Turns out his hip had popped out of place. They could have popped it back in, but because it had been that way for a few days, the healing process had already begun, so it had been healing in the wrong position. So...he had to have surgery. $350, which I was concerned about at first because I'm running pretty low on funds, but my grandma, God bless her, gave us enough money to cover it.

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He came home Saturday and was pretty groggy. For the first few days, you could tell he was in a lot of pain and that his leg was sore (though he is on pain medication). He can barely walk and has to stay on "bed rest" for two weeks. The cone around his head is so that he won't lick the wound. His stitches will be taken out in two weeks.

We set up a little pen for him in our basement because he's not supposed to have much activity for awhile. He's pretty bored, but in all reality it's probably better than being out in this extreme heat. (Actually, we've gotten a little bit of rain the past two days, praise Jesus!) He's SO incredibly sweet, though. The cone needed taken off so that he could eat, and he was unbelievably patient with me as I tried to get it back on him. He loves all the attention and I could spend hours sitting next to him, talking to him and making sure he's okay. He's such an awesome cat.

I went to see him when I got home today, and he's doing much better. He actually managed to get out of the pen and got a little trapped in a corner, so I had to get him out and put him in his place. He could stand and walk around alright with not much pain though, and the swelling on his back has gone down considerably. I'm confident that he'll be just fine. =)

Oh! Also--my Dad's first home-grown tomato of the year:
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Hehe.

--Emily

Monday, July 2, 2012

A small walk with my puppy.



I took Mr. Romeo on a walk a few days ago. In case you haven't been up-to-date on the weather here in Missouri--it is hot. I mean ridiculously, record-breaking, 100+ degrees every single day hot.

So, this walk was very short lived. Romeo, the poor thing, got extremely tired about four minutes in. My parents insist on keeping his hair long because they like it better...but really, he needs it cut for this heat.




I know I haven't blogged as much this summer as last summer, and to be honest I'm really down about that. I also haven't read as much, though I am slowly trudging through The Hobbit. I feel like nothing is happening and I haven't accomplished much. In all reality, I'm doing much more this summer than last--finishing up my Associate's Degree, working, and trying to spend as much time with friends and family as possible before I leave in August.

August. It pretty much hit me today.
I'm leaving next month.
And I feel so terribly unprepared.

I know I basically keep saying all of this in every blog post, but it becomes scarier with every passing day. And I know it will be here before I know it.

I'm going to miss simple days like this, home alone with nothing to do but go on a small walk with Romeo and my camera.

I'm going to miss being home.



--Emily