Sunday, October 28, 2012

A Shadow

You tend to trip me, treacherous past.
The second I think I've gotten away
and fled--at last--your terrible claws,
you catch up to me. You sneak up to me.
You spring up and try to push me back.

I refuse. You monster, you--
you fallen angel, you nightmare
from the darkest avenue--
get behind me, far behind me,
back in that abyss that you call home.


Dylan // Portraits, Part Two

I've been struggling with a finding a good photo sharing sight. In the past I have used Photobucket, that has not been meeting my needs recently, and I'm really considering updating to Flickr Pro. $25 for a year is not bad at all, except for the fact that I am a poor college student without a job (unless you count tutoring at minimum wage).

Until I decide, I suppose I will use my free account on Flickr, and pray that some kind soul might get me Flickr Pro for Christmas. =)

ANYWAY. So, earlier this month I took a nice trip downtown with my dear friend Dylan. We took tons of photos and had a great time, and I thought I would post some more of that. I haven't had a lot of time to edit the rest of them or the pictures from the zoo that I took forever ago, but you should cut me some slack because I'm really trying to be a good college student. And, you know, when you start Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (or any HP book, for that matter) it tends to dominate every moment of free time that you might have.

I wish I could say that I will have more now that I have gotten through all of HP5, but I have promised myself that I will get through all of Becket by Tuesday and, of course, I have finally begun reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

I assume Perks will go by swiftly, and I have already firmly decided that I am going to read Pride and Prejudice afterwards. I'm an English major, I tell you, and I need to start showing it!

Without further ado, here is Dylan:


P.S. I discovered Spotify, and I don't know why all of my very lovely, intelligent friends let me live so long without it!


Thursday, October 25, 2012


is on the top shelf,
and I
look up, dazzled.

would be a struggle,
and falling
doubly so.

may ring with regret,
but also the sensation

of life.


Thursday, October 18, 2012

Finding Inspiration

Just a short list of things that inspire me or actions that get my creative juices flowing:

  • Sitting through a Creative Writing class
  • Sylvia Plath
  • Copying all my poems from word documents onto paper by hand
  • Taking a hot shower
  • Death Cab for Cutie
  • the smell of ink 
  • Challenges--such as writing in 2nd person, only dialogue, present tense, etc.
  • Flipping through a Dictionary or Thesaurus
  • Writing at night
  • Iced tea, pajamas, and a messy ponytail
  • Reading past journal entries
  • Classical music
Umm...yeah, that's all I've got.


Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Words were once on my side;
they filled my cheeks nice and full,
slid down my tongue like a water slide
and knew precisely when to emerge.
They've long since retired. Now, they
are keen for a game of hide-and-seek;
they think it comical to watch my search
seem endless and pedestrian. They snicker
at me. I call out their names,
but they only roll over,
like an old dog too tired for all the world.

Sometimes I think they're behind a locked door
and sporadically slide it open an inch.
I try to claw myself in, stuff in the cracks,
but they shut it on me after a glimpse.
Or maybe it's I who holds the handle
and can only open it after midnight
or when in the shower.
This would mean little, except the potential
that perhaps my words
remain loyal after all.

I know my thoughts swarm like flies to a carcass,
and I know that I said I wish I could have been there,
but I don't know the percentage that actually meant it.
Honestly, I've no idea how to console someone
when an inseparable bond becomes separated.

Me, the assuager, the one with the words,
deep down still dreams of the cool floor tile
pressed against my cheek. Down to the level
of my disintegrating friend, but when
they took her to the back to put her to sleep,
I could not watch the light leave her eyes
and instead wept in the waiting room.

I had a shoulder then, but it was not my own,
and I doubt I could ever take on that chore.
Occasionally I feel like I'm leaning flat against
a wall built of mercy, or compassion at most,
and it is the only thing in the world keeping me vertical.

Sometimes, I'm afraid of these thoughts I have
and the kind of person that they derive from.


Edit Me - 10.17.12

Love this photo of Autumn trees! Here's what I did:

Took it to Picmonkey:
--Added Exposure and Contrast, just slightly
--Tint --> "Darken" at a pale peach color
--Curves --> Daguerreotype Brady, faded with color override about 50%
--Urbane 85%
--few more added effects, like bumping up the Saturation a bit


Edit MeSee you next week!

a letter to the boy three hours away.


I used to think about these days and both shudder and smile. I yearned for a new experience, time to myself, the freedom of empty evenings, but I dreaded not being by your side.


Honestly, I never realized how awful the distance would be until I got here. I never thought that the empty evenings, new people, and the freedom to focus on writing, or sleep the hours away, or focus on my studies, could be meaningless without you here. That without you here, there is an everlasting sensation of a piece of me missing somewhere, like I accidentally left without it.




We've spent the last two years almost exclusively with the other, basically becoming one person. Our personalities even shifted--I became more like you, and I think you became more like me. I know that we'll make this, and being here has taught me even more solemnly how much God has blessed me to be able to know you. You are such an extraordinary gift.


I honestly can't wait to see you again this weekend. It has been two weeks since our last meeting, which I know isn't too terribly long, but I hate being away from you. The people here are nice, sure, but they don't understand me like you do--none of them are my best friend. You are.

PhotobucketI love you. I miss you.
I'll see you soon.


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Missing from me.


I'm desperate for
a cuddle or kiss
or both, really.
I'm an indecisive girl.

It's Fall here, but there is no
fireplace to stare deep into;
my hot chocolate is made with tap water
and the marshmallows are too small.

I haven't a doorstep, nor carved pumpkin.
The leaves are falling,
but I can't find a pile to jump into
and hear the crunch beneath me.

Worst of all, you are
missing from me,
your cuddles and kisses
beside you somewhere.


Friday, October 12, 2012


Could you have been
a mere mirage?
At first glance, I
would not have known
your true nature.
A fine disguise
for this affair;
convenient for
a safe entrance.
And through the rain
you were as good
as transparent;
I swear I knew
it was still you.
I saw your soul
beneath your eyes,
and then, like dew,


Thursday, October 11, 2012

Edit Me - 10.10.12

I loved this photo! The girl was so cute, and her eyes were sooo beautiful. =) I tried to keep it simple and natural this week. Her natural beauty outshines anything I could do in an editing program.

Here's what I did:

Took it to Picmonkey.
--Curves --> Brady & Norma
--Film Stock Reala
--Intrepid & Urbane

Hope everyone has a great week!

Edit Me


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Dylan // Portraits, part 1


Mid-Terms are coming up and this week is full to the brim with studying and homework, but I like to feel that I can still squeeze in time to take a walk, or call Deacon, grab a cup of hot chocolate, or write a blog post. I have a big test tomorrow, but I decided to take a short break and allow everything I studied to seep in before I go back for round two. Annnnnd I think this was the perfect opportunity to post the first few pictures of the shoot I took of Dylan last Friday.

We had planned to take these pictures weeks ago but never got the time. Honestly, I'm surprised we were able to take them on Friday, because it was just as busy as any other day. But right after my last class, I dashed back to my room and arranged my freshly charged battery and memory card. It was extremely chilly that day, so I grabbed my navy scarf from Italy (courtesy of my best friend Jenna), my coats, and two layers of gloves. And walking shoes, because I knew it was a long climb to the lighthouse.

Though it was cold, Dylan and I had a blast. He was so fun to take pictures of, and it was more of a casual walk downtown than anything. It was a great experience, and I'm really pleased with the photos so far. I've only edited the first few, but thought a preview was in order. =)



Monday, October 8, 2012

A Chilled Afternoon

But then you saw this lonely heart--a girl with static, scowls, and seasons--
and climbed in that battered automobile--tires considerably worn--
drove faster than permissible, racing the sun, to grasp a few seconds
in her coated arms, empty for such a long while. Spent the day
taming her enthusiasm; soothing her loneliness; seeing the town
where she lives now. It was both chilled and cozy, with wind
that led the way and chapped your lips, but you persisted
and held her hands--buried deep in thick, furry gloves. Then she
looked at you, strings of hair streaked across her forehead,
and you felt it--the warmth of the evening, generated somewhere
between you. And in that moment,
yes, in that precise moment,
there were not two hearts, but one.


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Edit Me - 10.3.12

It was  GREAT picture this week for Edit Me. I was in love with it at first sight. I didn't really have a plan of action with this one, though. I just dove right in and went wild. My first plan of action was to crop, and then I decided to move the man in the boat over, and then decided to get rid of that tree limb altogether. It was pretty difficult--I usually don't edit so drastically. Afterwards, I added some additional effects...though I'm not exactly sure what, haha. Anyway, my final product:

Edit Me

Definitely looking forward to next week!

Cards Game!



This is my favorite part! Is that lame?

I was going to put all of last weekend into one post, but then I realized there were simply too many pictures to do it all together. After classes on Friday, the five of us girls headed to St. Louis to the Cardinals Game. It was a blast! (And we won, which never seems to happen when I go to a game.)

Update on my friend John: He's doing well from what I've heard. He's responding with movements and writing and will have to wear a back brace for up to 8 weeks. Please continue to pray for him and his family, and praise God that he has made it this far.

Update on me: My allergies are kicking my behind today, and I'm sure everyone knows how miserable it is to have a nose that is constantly running. Ugh! On a brighter note, I finally got contacted for a tutoring job today! YAY. =) It's been a hard week already, but God continues to bless me through it.


Monday, October 1, 2012

Loving and Loathing Transitions






Well, it's here. Autumn. October. That sweet time of the year--the transition between. I'm usually indifferent about this time of year, but as I get older I become more and more fond of it. The colors, the routine of school solidifying, the social acceptance of hot chocolate, layers, marching band, the crisp chill as you run across the lawn to your 8 AM class, the prelude to the end of the year.

I've always hated transitions, though, and think this is becoming more prominent in my life. I'm fine with winter, but I find a little poetic sadness bubble up in me with each falling leaf I catch.

My sister just called me to say that one of my former coworkers, John, was in a very serious car accident today and is being worked on. He's my age--19. He just graduated from high school. And honestly, I feel like I'm one step away from falling apart right now. I've had too much of this in my life these past few years, and I just can't even fathom what it would be like if he doesn't survive. So please, please, pray for him, and pray that God gives his doctors all the wisdom in the world to help him pull through.

What I wouldn't give to be home right now.