Okay, I took these about a month ago, but it pretty much encapsulates my weekends here. I've been reading The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, among other things, like short stories by Jack London and Prometheus Bound. I'm almost done with The Things They Carried, which is an incredible book, though at times extremely difficult to read because of the content. It's about the Vietnam war, but it isn't just a book about war; it's a book about life. And it definitely paints life as it is.
Really, it's a bit ironic that I read Jack London and Tim O'Brien in the same weekend, because both of them do this with their writings, and I absolutely love it. They don't mess with romantics; they highlight how cruel and unforgiving life and nature can be. They write as things are.
And I want to write like that.
I want to tackle life--to highlight it, not glorify it.
I want to be real.
Quotes from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath.
"Before I give my body, I must first give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren't having any of those."
"If they substituted the word "Lust" for "Love" in the popular songs it would come nearer the truth."
"From now on when a boy starts telling me about his lost loves I'm going to run in the opposite direction screaming loudly. It is a bad sign."
"Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that--I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much--so very much to learn--"
"And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock of the words you utter--they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long."
"...to know that it's twenty-three o'clock by the watch you got for graduation and that in three days you have your first mid year exam and you'd much rather read anything that what you have to, but you do have to, and you will, although you've already wasted two hours writing stream-of-consciousness stuff in here when your stream isn't much to brag about, after all."
"I desire the things which will destroy me in the end."
"I remember that I was writing a poem on 'Snow' when I was eight. I said aloud, 'I wish I have the ability to write down the feelings I have now while I'm still little, because when i grow up I will know how to write, but I will have forgotten what being little feels like."
"You wonder if you've got what it takes to keep building up obstacles for yourself, and to keep leaping through them, sprained ankle or not."
"...somehow you don't want to live just one life, which could be typed, which could be tossed off in a thumbnail sketch = 'She was the sort of girl...' And end in 25 words or less. You want to live as many lives as you can."
"Aloneness and selfness are too important to betray for company."
"And so it is that with my leaning toward allegories, similes, and metaphors, I suddenly find a vehicle to express a few of the many disturbing thoughts which have been with me since yesterday."
"I am so busy keeping my head above water that I scarcely know who I am, much less who anybody else is. But I must discipline myself. I must be imaginative and create plots, knit motives, probe dialogue--rather than merely trying to record descriptions and sensations. The latter is pointless, without purpose, unless it is later to be synthesized into a story. The latter is also a rather pronounced symptom of an oversensitive and unproductive ego."
"Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can."