Wednesday, October 9, 2013

never meant


Where did you come from?
That is my question, today.
I can't quite tell
where or when
or why. why.
Why does this still
affect me so,
why can't I tame this lion?


Did you know, then?
And you, and you,
and you--did you always know?

Is my skin really so translucent,
am I really so easily understood?


You wreaked havoc upon us, then.
You threw your cards down--
ended the game abruptly.
We didn't see it coming. There hadn't
been a twinkle in your eye,
building crescendo in the background,
shadows falling before their possessor.

We couldn't catch you--we were too busy
trying to pick ourselves up off the floor.

Is that what we remember, now?
Not you--not how you failed to live,
but how we struggled to, afterwards?

How we still struggle to.


I think, now, I've forgotten you.

I've certainly forgotten pieces.
I block them out--
probably for the best.

Except that it's not.
I should have never gotten into a situation
that is better forgotten than remembered.


I'm so, so, so done with this.
I like being alone, not lonely.
I hate being without you.

I don't need words. I need hands.
I need something to cling to;
I need to know that I'm alive,
to know that I'm still here,
to know that everything has changed.

I'm scared to death that everything has changed.


I don't now where most of this has come from.
Nothing is how I meant it to be--
I'm not who I wanted to be.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I want so much more;
I want to live to be so much more.
currently listening to: Collapsible Lung by Relient K