Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Love vs. Obsession

Okay, I've had to admit this before, but I'm still afraid that whenever I say it, someone is instantly going to close the window. So hear me out.

Yes, I'm a Twilight fan.
No sound disturbed the courtyard's silence, but the darkness rippled with equal parts surprise and disbelief.
Or at least, my high-school self was a Twilight fan. "Fan" does not even cover it properly...I was pretty obsessed with it. I even threw a Twilight-themed party. Not a birthday party. Just a party. With trivia and posters and costumes and everything.

This was even before the movies came out. I had to find pictures of actors that I thought suited the character.
ANYWAY. Getting off subject.

I just reread the first book and was vastly disappointed. It's been about 5 years or so (which blows my mind, honestly) since I've last read them. And I can't believe how much my preference has changed. I used to think it was the best-written book I've ever read. This time through, I could hardly read a chapter without wanting to put it down.

But let's talk about Edward.

He's a charming character. He was charming when I was a Freshman in high school and he is still charming while I'm a senior in college. But I used to think the love between him and Bella was the strongest representation I had ever seen. That was seriously my thought upon finishing the book for the first time.

Okay, now let's jump now to something a bit classier.
Wuthering Heights.

This book has been listed as the #1 love story of all time.

I just finished reading it yesterday. It actually wasn't as dry as I had expected--generally, I'm not a fan of the classics. (Don't you dare say a word about me being an English major.)
But now let's talk about Heathcliff. The character that you either love or hate.

I really wanted to like him. I tried my best.
I just couldn't.

See, these two books are similar in many different ways. Bella even cites Wuthering Heights as her favorite book and mentions its characters frequently throughout the series. Both Edward and Heathcliff are mysterious. They're both famous for being madly in love. And they both wrongfully have earned that title.

What they have towards Bella and Catherine is not love.
It's obsession.

And that's where I think that the media gets it wrong so often. They portray being in love with being out of your mind and focusing every aspect of your life on this one person. It often spawns jealousy, insecurity, and revenge...but in these romance stories, that's perfectly acceptable. Because it's a sign of their undying passion for the girl.

Um, no.

Heathcliff's actions are not redeemed by his love for Catherine. The man is a revenge-seeking psychopath. He has put Catherine on a pedestal that goes beyond who she actually was; she has become his god. He worships her. And this is not a good thing.

This leads to the destruction of the lives of everyone around him, including his own.

At least Emily Bronte wrote the consequences of the obsession; Meyer simply tells her audience that throwing away your life and morals for a man will get you a happy ending.

Real love is not selfish. It is not obsessive.
It is dedication, trust, and commitment. It is endurance.

It is not holding someone up on a pedestal, but knowing their flaws and loving them through them.
It is not making them your god, but making God the foundation of your relationship with them.

My favorite love story is no longer Twilight. It's nowhere near Wuthering Heights.
Instead, it's my own. Because I know that love is real, and I've seen how God has worked in my life and in Deacon's life and somehow pulled us together. We've seen the struggles and the ascending and descending plot lines and we didn't close the book. We lived through them, and we will continue to live through them.

I don't think any book or movie can replicate that.


Sunday, February 23, 2014

A Quick, Rambling Post that says absolutely nothing of value and that was written due to impending homework.

Before you start anything, you may want to listen to this song,
because I'm listening to it right now
and it's one of my favorites.
but you have to play it really loud
and most of you probably won't like it.

Actually, you should just go and listen to this whole album
because I love it so much.


This weekend
was everything
I could have
ever hoped for.


So, to catch you up, in a very stream-of-consciousness way:
  • I couldn't make it home to celebrate Valentine's Day with Deacon or go bowling with my family for my sister's birthday.
  • It was a real bummer
  • And I had to go 5 weeks without seeing any of them
  • which nearly sent me over the edge.
  • BUT the weather was perfect this weekend and I made it to Rolla just fine.
  • Deacon took me out on a date and we had a great time =)
  • The next day, we went with my bridesmaids to buy their dresses
  • which was also a great time
  • and Jenna got to come, even though she had told me she couldn't and it was a huge surprise and I love that girl so much
  • sometimes my sentences just keep going
  • ANYWAY. 
  • I also got to see my cats and Romeo,
  • who all seemed to remember me. So that's good.
  • And I willingly did a few songs of Just Dance.
  • Karlee recorded me and Deacon, but it will never surface on the internet.
  • because I cannot dance.
  • I thought I had more to say in this, but I'm drawing a blank right now.
  • But I do have a lot of homework that I should be doing...
  • and all I really want to do is to make a post of all my favorite Disney moments
  • And for some reason, I feel like I can sympathize with Zeus right now
  • Also, I know you guys are tired of hearing me go on and on and on about Christina Grimmie,
  • So I'll just leave you with this, which you have undoubtedly seen me post before, but is well worth watching again:
  • And also, I want all of you to watch this next video
  • because everything about it is perfect.
  • the music, the animation, the emotion.
  • And okay, I might have an obsession with Zuko.
  • At least watch the first three minutes.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Keeping My Head Above Water

I was sitting in an armchair at the back of the library, staring through the window at the dead flowerbeds, the snow melting into pools and dripping everywhere like God's hand had taken the land and wrung its neck.

I felt it, even inside. The cold. The dripping.

You felt it too, miles away. I heard it live inside your breaths. I heard it sliding down your face.

And I just sat there and watched the world drown.


Friday, February 7, 2014

that name belongs to me.

I heard it today.
Out of context,
but the same syllables--
the same letters.

The sound, so familiar
like catching a favorite smell
in the air. Mouth watering
just at the memory.

My own is so common
and dulled from exposure.
I hear it in a room
and don't even look up.

It was never mine;
it never matched my colors,
my fingerprint.
It was arbitrary

and temporary--
a tag that you cut off
and throw in the wastebasket.
Nothing elaborate.

But yours sounds like
a symphony;
my ears perk up
as if you were there.

I surrender my own--
no qualms, no disputes,
no ties to the identity.
It was never mine,

but yours.
And your name, that name--
I will tie it
around my finger.

That name belongs to me.

currently listening to: Manta Rays by Ludo

Sunday, February 2, 2014

This war is not over.

 photo IMG_4524_zps053c60b6.jpg

I write on the heels of music,
but I am not the same as you.
You rape the words;
you stamp them with your name
and call yourself poetic.
I let them bury inside
and pull out my own.

Let me say it one more time:
I am not the same as you.


Sometimes a song comes on my iPod that my sister had me put on there years ago, insisting that I should listen to the band because I would really like them. And sometimes I never listen to it until it randomly comes up years later. And sometimes I really like it.

This happened with The Daylights. The Civil Wars. Of Monsters and Men. The Naked & Famous. The Head and The Heart. Augustana. Florence + The Machine.

and now, Trading Yesterday.
lean your head back, close your eyes, and turn up the volume.

Moral of the story: I should trust Karlee's suggestions because she has a pretty good taste in music. And I can't tell you how often she listens to something that becomes a hit two weeks later.


in other news, I spent last night attempting to style my hair like Elsa does during her coronation in Frozen. After spending quite some time on Youtube and several attempts, I sorta kinda got close.

Sadly, it was not long until this came loose, so then I started just twisting and pinning to see what I could come up with, and somehow managed to do this:

 photo IMG_4493_zpsb6e56032.jpg
 photo IMG_4525_zps4966d863.jpg
 photo IMG_4516_zps13c5f5a7.jpg


There's a lot on my mind lately...most of which I've found myself turning towards my journal than to this public setting. A lot is changing this year.

And I know that I've told myself I'm going to stop posting poetry on here, I just can't stop. I've gotten so used to it--it comes so naturally. I have a hard time writing it anywhere else. I turn to Word Documents or my moleskine and just get stuck. I open up this window and it just spills out of me like someone cut a vein.

I'm not sure what to do about that.

But I've wasted enough time on this post for today, so more next time.